so, for spring break i went on a roadtrip with jess. our end point was the grand canyon. it was amazing. i've never been further out west then chicago... which is sad. anyway, it was awesome. i really had time to clear my head and think. i felt very together when i got back... and already i feel like my head is getting so clouded up again.

grad school is so stupid in a way. you are supposed to be developing as an artist by making work... but with what time? i get so bogged down. plus 2 years is such a short amount of time. it seems like quite a while at first, but now already being almost a year in... it's no time at all. i feel like i've gotten nothing accomplished at all.

which leads me to today. i had my midterm critique. it was ok... but ut kind of made me mad. ok, so basically the most important thing we went over was that i don't finish anything. most of my ideas are kind of related, but i never finish an idea. in these two years i need to have a strong portfolio for my thesis show and for job hunting.

the idea i like most right now is dealing with self love vs. self loathing. i think it comes across in a lot of my photos, but again nothing terribly cohesive. during the critique it basically came to light that i may not have time to develop this idea in the time i have left. it's not something i should give up, but it shouldn't be my main focus.

while on break i decided to do a series of landscapes with my brownie hawkeye. it was mostly just because i was traveling to very scenic areas and i had this camera i had never used before, and i wanted to see what i would get out of it. i got some pretty interesting landscapes that are fuzzy and pretty grey. but they are just landscapes. in critique it was strongly suggested that this be the path i follow. i'm very conflicted as to how i feel about this. personally i think they are nice... but they are landscapes. there is nothing more to a landscape then things just being pretty. if you try to put more on it... you are just a bullshitter... i'm sorry, but c'mon. ok, mine are a little ominous... but that's about it. and i know at least one person who does try to pretend there is more to a landscape then prettiness... i'm just not a good BSer.

i don't know if i should be offended though. i did tell them this isn't really something i'm that interested in, but they continued to insist. are they just trying to give me an easy out... this would be a simple project to do, and i'd have a cohesive body for my show/portfolio. but i don't feel like it's the quality of work a grad student should be producing. i like to think my other work is much stonger... ok, maybe not as cohesive, but more interesting in general. am i wrong though? i almost felt like they were hinting at that.

i guess i really need to pick a direction and stick with it. i'm just hoping i can actually work that way. i never really have before. i like jumping around. i get stuck pretty easily, so when i do i can just go back to something else. but i do understand where they are coming from. and rob brought up an interesting point... with the other mediums it takes longer to make a single piece (most times, not always) so you can stay more focused because you may only make like 3/4 pieces a semester. with photo, the volume is higher. (even with working in the darkroom) it's easier to jump around. a lot of famous photographers build a body slowly because they work on more than one thing at a time.

anyway, i'm still a bit pissed, but i really need to do some thinking and i think i need to talk to rob to make sure i understood lonnie correctly the whole time. i will be printing some of the landscapes and i'll put them up as i go. hopefully i'll get feedback that will help me decide what to do.